I sit here at the computer at 4am, just came back from a run to clear my head. One thing I seem to constantly have to learn is to be myself no matter what. Trying to be everything to everybody will get you nowhere but depressed. I admire my namesake from the bible because he wasn't like any of the other disciples. He was an outsider, a tax collector, a person despised by his own people (the Jews), and yet Christ made him one of the 12 to be a part of His life and help to spread Christ's ministry to the known world.
I don't think that meeting was happenstance. I believe it was a message that God (and Christ for that matter) accepts and loves everyone, from the fishermen to the tax collectors. I don't know what kind of relationship Matthew had with the others, I can imagine he may have remained an outsider because he didn't have much in common with the rest other than being a Jew and being chosen by Christ. I'm sure he had his own moments of disconnection & depression about being "on the outside looking in".
Had some things happen last night that really nailed it for me. My own moment of disconnection & depression which I tried to medicate through some unhealthy choices. Let me say that the feelings you have about rejection aren't going to go away with a couple of lemon bars or handful of Chex mix. I tried to sleep but decided that I needed to get out and run to deal with what I was feeling. Having time to clear my head and begin to work through these emotions has helped a bit. It's helped me to get this stuff down in writing for further contemplation and time to begin the healing process.
One thing that came up during my run was an old adage, "You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you cannot please all of the people all of the time." You need to be who you are no matter what. If this doesn't please or "click" with other people, so be it. We are all different, we come from different walks of life, there isn't one person on the planet that can please or "click" with everyone. What fun would life be if we were all the same, had all the same interests, looked the same, talked the same, reasoned & thought the same? Diversity is a good thing, learning from others is important, sharing with others is important, being who God made you to be is important. Trying to please everyone or being someone you're not shortchanges not only yourself, but others as well.
Rejection will sting, I can understand and sympathize with that, but it will sting less if you truly tried to be who you were made to be and not some false self to gain acceptance. I think of the veteran that stands at the corner of River Avenue & 9th Street. I thought he was odd, standing there in an old Navy uniform with a flag and saluted cars as they passed by. But now I think of him this morning and I have a sense of awe for him. He was out there doing what he wanted to do, regardless of what others thought. He got the occasional honk of approval but mostly was ignored or gawked at by passersby.
"As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at his tax collector’s booth. “Follow me and be my disciple,” Jesus said to him. So Matthew got up and followed him." Mat 9:9, NLT
MattyV
www.iweighedmorethanjared.com
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